Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Exclusive: City Council to bring back the Stocks

Conservatives can exclusively reveal that the City Council will be bringing back the stocks to help clamp down on antisocial behaviour in Cambridge. The new stocks will operate on Friday and Saturday night outside the Guildhall, when drunken yobs caught the previous weekend can be pelted with rotten fruit.

A Council spokesman told us: “The idea started in an Area committee open forum. We take suggestions received at Area Committees very seriously, so our anti-social behaviour task force immediately swung into action to consider the plans. Following a fundamental service review, we realised we could outsource the rotten fruit concession, which will not only pay for the stocks, but will raise additional revenue to help plug the holes in this year’s budget. The stocks will be manufactured from wood sourced from sustainable forests, and if we deliver the fruit by bicycle, the scheme will be fully compliant with our climate change agenda.”

Commenting on the plans, Conservative Councillor Chris Howell enthused: “I think this is a brilliant idea. Too often Council plans to tackle alcohol related anti-social behaviour clamp down on everyone having a good time – this scheme will really sort out the bad apples from the good eggs. I’m going to be first in line with some rotten tomatoes.”

A public consultation on the plans is being held online and the deadline is midday today.


Anna Smith said...

I have a much better idea - why not stick Cambridge's 'village idiots' in the stocks. I can think of a number of personalities at officer and member level whose part in vapourising £10 million of our money last year who would be worthy of a good pelting with rotten fruit. Actually this is too kind - removal from office / the sack would be more appropriate....

Come forward Councillors Nimmo Smith, Rosenstiel etc!

Jim McNulty said...

Nice one Chris - an old favourite but much better than most of the nationals